


The Role She Was Born To Play

by TheWritingGiant



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29098356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWritingGiant/pseuds/TheWritingGiant
Summary: Just a little exploration of things that went down between Hailey and Jay a the end of 8x04.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 23
Kudos: 107





	The Role She Was Born To Play

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! After 8x04, I had a couple of ideas about how the "lie" that Hailey told Jay might play out. Here is one version of that, hope you enjoy.

It was deep into February and Hailey was more than happy to spend one of the coldest nights of the year cuddled up on her couch, watching the Bulls game with Jay. It had been a few weeks since they had gotten together. Other than the high emotions that made up their first few days together, with Officer Blaine's death, her father and his surgery, things were going great. It was new, but also the same. They spent most nights together, having dinner, grabbing a drink at a bar, or watching television at one of their apartments. None of that was new. But now, at the end of the night, they fell into bed together, rather than alone. The kissing, the cuddling, the sex, it was all new, and really she couldn't complain. The move from friends and partners to more had been smooth, nearly seamless. There was only one thing nagging at the back of her mind, and it stemmed from those first few days.

They had argued that day, but that was also not a new thing between them. The two of them had had fights before, arguments and differences of opinions, and undoubtedly they would again. They were human, and as Jay had said, humans make mistakes, they weren't exceptions to that. But her mistake that night was starting to eat away at her. The Pelicans scored another three-pointer on the television, increasing their lead to twenty-five points over her precious Bulls. "Come on," Jay groaned beside her. "Someone start covering Bledsoe, he's killing us tonight."

She had to agree; the Bulls defence was really lacking this season, and their man to man coverage was horrible. She tried to focus on her team's technical errors instead of remembering her words during those first few nights. "I lied," she blurted. So much for that plan.

"What?" Jay's eyes darted from the TV to her and back.

"A few weeks ago," Hailey chewed at her lip. "When my dad had his heart attack. I told you that I talked to him. I lied. I went to the hospital, I saw him, but I didn't go into his room. I didn't talk to him."

She chanced a glance at him. Anger, betrayal, even confusion, she was ready to see those on his face, but the soft smile he wore, threw her. "Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I did," he nodded. "Hailey, I already knew that."

"You did?"

Jay couldn't hold back his huff of laughter. "We were partners and best friends, _for years_ , before we started this. That hasn't changed Hailey, come on. Do you really think I don't know when you're lying to me? It's not like you even tried that hard."

He muted the TV and turned to face her on the couch. "Look, I know your dad is a touchy subject. So when you told me that you spoke to him, I could see it on your face that you weren't telling the truth. And I got it. I knew that was just your way saying you didn't want to talk about it anymore. After two days of not getting that, I figured it was time I did, that you'd talk about it when you were ready. It's okay."

"It wasn't that," she twisted to look him but kept her eyes trained on the blanket covering her knees. "Well, wasn't just that."

It was Jay's turn to be confused. "Then, what was it?"

"I fell back into playing the role," she explained. "I just didn't mean to fall into it with you."

"What do you mean?" 

Hailey sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I was seven when my dad started hitting my mom. It didn't take long after that for him to start hitting my brothers and me. He would drink, then he'd get angry, and something that could have been solved - _should have been solved_ \- with a frown, or a quick word, or just let go, was solved with a fist, or a foot."

Jay swallowed hard. Hailey had never outright admitted that her dad had hit her growing up, her mom yeah, but never her. She'd implied it, and he had inferred it, but to finally hear her say it made his stomach churn. 

"Mom was the one who drilled it into us," she continued, looking off into nowhere, into memories. "That he didn't mean it. That it was her fault; she should have had dinner on the table by the time he got home from work. That it was our fault; we shouldn't have been playing so loudly in the house. She was the one that told us it would all be fine if we just played our parts. That it would be worse if people found out. So we should just smile and pretend nothing was wrong. That if we acted like the doting wife, the loving sons, and the dutiful daughter, then everything would work out in the end."

Hailey took a breath and finally looked up at Jay. His jaw was clenched, so were his fists. She knew he wouldn't like her words, but it wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. It was all a part of how abuse worked; he knew that. 

"So, when my mom told me about my dad, I guess I just slipped back into that role," she shrugged. "I had to act like everything was fine, that we were a normal family because that's what everyone expected. I was the dutiful daughter again. The same one who played soccer because it was her father's favourite sport. Who went to university to become a lawyer because that was the career her father wanted for her. Who listens and smiles when her mom tells her that her dad stopped drinking, again, for the thousandth time. So, of course, the dutiful daughter goes to the hospital when her father has to undergo major surgery. And of course, she follows the advice of the guy she's dating, because the dutiful daughter is also the dutiful girlfriend, who wants to make her guy happy."

"Hailey," Jay started, but he trailed off. He didn't know what to say.

"I know," she gave him a small, sad smile. "Honestly, Jay, I didn't even realize what I was doing until I was looking at my dad through the observation window."

He cleared his throat. "What snapped you out of it?"

"I stood there watching him talk to his nurse," Hailey twisted the blanket in her hands. "And I felt that same feeling that I did during the good times when I a kid."

"What was that?"

"Like there's this pit in my stomach," she shrugged. "One that Dad tried to fill with laughter, and candy, and toys or other material things. But the pit was always there. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to have a drink. For the roller coaster to start all over again."

"So, you walked away?"

"Yup," she popped the 'p' and then pursed her lips. "But I should have told you that from the start. I'm sorry I didn't."

"No," Jay shook his head. "Hailey, I'm the one who's sorry."

"You're not the one who lied, Jay."

"But I'm the one who pushed," he countered. "I pushed you to go and see him that day. I pushed _my_ feelings, _my_ guilt, about _my_ dad onto you, and that wasn't fair. It's a part of why I let things go that night. I pushed you deeper into that role. I didn't know, I didn't see it, Hailey, and I am so sorry. You got to know, that is the last thing I ever wanted to do."

"I know," she reached across the space between him and took his hand in hers. "Jay, this isn't on you."

"Thank you," he squeezed her hand. "For telling me, for letting me in. It's not on you either."

"I don't want to keep you in the dark about all this," Hailey said as she moved across the couch. She wrapped his arm around her shoulder and settled into his side, letting his scent wash over her, calm her, as she breathed it in. "I want to tell you about all of it. But I don't know...I guess I'm still trying to find the words."

"I get that," Jay trailed his thumb back and forth over her shoulder. "I promise I'm here to help. However, you want me to."

"It's important to me that you know, I'm not trying to push you away," she played with the finger on his other hand. "I just need some more time. To wrap my head around it all and whatever."

"Take all the time you need, Hailey," he dropped his lips to the crown of her head. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you," she craned her neck and pulled his head down to press a gentle kiss on his lips. "Want to get back to the game?"

"Sure," he smiled as she resettled against him and unmuted the TV. The Bulls were still losing, but he didn't care. This felt like a win. No, better than that, it was a step forward. A sign of the trust they had in each other. Something that had always been there but was growing and changing like they were. So he'd wait, and he'd watch, and when Hailey was ready, he would listen. Jay threaded his fingers through hers as she chucked a piece of popcorn at the screen in exasperation, and he made a silent promise. He had seen the signs and misread them once, but now that he knew them, he'd do everything in his power to help prevent her from slipping into that role again.

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear, while by the definition of the word, yes Hailey lied to Jay, but come on, no she didn't. It was all about self-preservation, there was no malice in it, and I'm pretty sure Jay clocked it right away. I've told lies like that before, and 'confessed' to them at the most random of points, so there where the idea for this one came from. Anyway, let me know what you think, what as your take on that end scene? Thanks for reading!


End file.
